Why We Wait

Sometimes we tell ourselves we’re choosing the right moment. And sometimes that’s true.

But often, we’re hoping the problem will resolve itself. Perhaps the person will notice. Perhaps the behaviour will stop. Perhaps the situation will improve once things are less busy.

Occasionally it does. Often it doesn’t.

Meanwhile, frustration builds. Assumptions form. What started as a small issue becomes a bigger one. And when we finally raise it, we may enter the conversation carrying weeks or even months of frustration.

Addressing something early isn’t about creating conflict. It’s about preventing unnecessary conflict later.

3 Ways to Have the Conversation Earlier and Better

1. Start with what you know, not what you assume.

There’s a big difference between: “You don’t seem committed to this project.” and “We’ve missed the last two agreed deadlines, and I’d like to understand what’s getting in the way.”

The first assumes intent. The second starts with what you’ve observed and opens the door to a conversation. When we separate what happened from what we think it means, we’re more likely to create dialogue rather than defensiveness.

2. Explain why it matters.

People need to understand why you’re raising the issue. What is the impact on the work, the team, the customer or the relationship? Be specific.

Instead of: “Your communication needs to improve.”

Try: “When I don’t receive the update until the day before the deadline, it gives us very little time to address any issues.”

The purpose isn’t to prove that you’re right. It’s to help the other person understand the impact and why something needs to change.

3. Make it a conversation, not a verdict.

A difficult conversation shouldn’t be something you deliver to another person. It should be something you have with them.

Once you’ve shared what you’ve observed and why it matters, create room for their perspective. Ask: “How do you see it?”

You may learn something you didn’t know. There may be pressures, misunderstandings or circumstances you weren’t aware of. Listening doesn’t mean avoiding the issue – it gives you a better chance of finding a way forward that both sides understand and can act on.

Elevate Your Business Impact

When difficult conversations are avoided, problems rarely disappear. Small misunderstandings become bigger ones. Frustration builds. Trust can erode. Performance issues continue longer than they need to.

Having the conversation earlier gives people an opportunity to understand each other, address the issue and agree on what needs to happen next.

This is where leadership and influence become very real.

Leadership isn’t only about setting direction. Sometimes it’s having the courage to address what others would rather avoid.

Influence isn’t about winning the conversation. It’s about creating enough openness and trust for something to change.

And you don’t need to manage a team to do either. The conversation could be with a colleague, client, stakeholder, supplier or even your manager. What matters is how you approach it.

This Month’s Action Focus

Think about your work right now and ask yourself:

“What conversation am I avoiding that would be easier to have now than 3 months from now?”

If someone comes to mind, don’t begin by planning everything you want to say. Start with 3 questions:

1. What have I observed? What actually happened, without assumptions or judgement?

2. Why does it matter? What is the impact on the work, relationship or outcome?

3. What needs to change? What would a better outcome look like?

Then have the conversation.

You may not be able to control how the other person responds. But you can control whether you approach the conversation with clarity, curiosity and respect.

A difficult conversation handled early can prevent a much harder conversation later.

Build Influence That Drives Results 

At Influence Solutions, we help professionals and organisations build the leadership and influence capabilities needed to navigate important conversations, strengthen relationships and create meaningful change.

Our programmes help people communicate with greater clarity, build trust and handle the conversations that can make the difference between issues being avoided and issues being resolved.

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